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ADDRESS: PO Box 1163, Wellington AYATOLLAH: Harold Chambers ('AROLD) RELIGIOUS ADVISER: Robb Morison (HIGH HEELS) / Craig Morison (EVIL) HEAD MONK: Richard Mills (DOGFISH) HASH KASH: Kevin Braddock (PISSPOT KEV) ON SEC: Kris Persson (PUHA) |
HASHADABRA: |
BIERMEISTER: |
HASH HORN: |
HARE RAISER: |
HASHTORIAN: |
| Run | Date | Venue | Hare | Scribe | Note |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1391 | 06/05/2002 | 18 Tanekaha St, Stokes Valley | DT | Modess Joe | Follow the main road up about 1.5km. It is the 3rd on the left after main shopping centre. No 18 is between no 16 and no 20. BYO food. |
| 1392 | 13/05/2002 | Te Garage, 19 Milton St, Upper Hutt (Mid Boganville) | Modess Joe | Mildew | |
| 1393 | 20/05/2002 | 13 Wattle Grove, Maungaraki | Dogfish | Nickname | |
| 1394 | 27/05/2002 | Corner Bar, Kilbirnie | Sourpuss | Numbnuts | |
| 1395 | 03/06/2002 | Somewhere | Flipper | Oggy | |
| 1396 | 10/06/2002 | Pepe's Pizza Parlour, High St, Lower Hutt | Duck | Peeler | |
| 1397 | 17/06/2002 | Battle of Waterloo, Avalon somewhere | Mildew | Pisspot Kev | |
| 1398 | 24/06/2002 | Eddie's Bar and Grill, Wainuiomata | T.C. | Porkbox | |
| 1399 | 01/07/2002 | 25 Halladale Rd, Papakowhai | Peeler | Puha | Queen's Birthday Weekend |
| 1400 | 08/07/2002 | TBA | TBA | Pussy Puppy | |
| 1401 | 15/07/2002 | Newlands | Captain Cook | Rangoon Flier |
Garden City H3 1000th, 3-5 May
Interhash 2002, Goa, 27-29 Sep 02
NZ Nash Hash 2003, Mt Maunganui, 25-27 Jan 03 (see below)
Interhash 2004, Wellington, 13-15 Feb 04
In the cold light of day, I think the first impression still stands...Far canal!
So how did 'Arold get to be Ayatollah? It was probably Ayatollah Armadillo getting pissed that caused this bizarre turn of events - a process that was already underway when the scribe turned up at Trax about 6 pm to find the Ayatollah holding court and quite a few faithful hounds already in situ.
Took to about 7-45 to get everyone onto the mobile alternative to Numbnuts Dive club (funny how when you can throw as much piss as you like, no-one does) and said vehicle moved off harbouring 35 hashers of varying degrees of evilness. At the first turn out onto the Quay it became evident to the co-conspirators that the Ayatollah was going to make this one up as he went along. The truck did a brief tour of city/Thorndon before chucking the already primed mob out on Hobson Street. The hare had set trail along every park, path and street available in the short distance between Hobson St and Wellington's most salubrious drinking establishment (we hear the Ayatollah's cricket club moved there after the Shepherd's Arms got too poncy).
20 or so jugs of ale were swiftly despatched - and Sproggy stitched up for the first fine of the evening - probably for hogging the hash decanters (bought at enormous expense).
Back on the truck for the long climb to upper Newlands. This had Townplanner salivating worse than Phoebe the dog when he figured out that he knew where the trail went - and he actually did.
A few of the older heads weren't having a bar of it and stayed on the bus to mind the piss. Most of the pack did the slime track run down to LV Martin. This route also doubles as a very used car yard - once the local yobbos have used your car, this is probably where you'll find it. The hare (for this leg) had hoped to finance a more extravagant AGPU by finding a blue and silver Mitsubishi down here, but amazingly, it must have been somewhere else.
Ayatollah wasn't arsing about with ceremony - it was back on the truck and off to the Hutt Park Raceway where WHHH has been made welcome since the auspicious occasion of the 500th in 1985! The AGPU committee had decided not to invest in a human hamper this year, tho' Numbnuts objection was noted. Some minor ceremony was planned here - and 'Arold promptly spilt the first of the down-downs all over the deck.
Ayatollah Armadillo had set this leg as well. Amazingly most hashers ran this one as well, tho Hood led the mutiny of those who would not leave the chariot. Plan A had been straight along the embankment and railway bridge to Pussy-Puppy's place. Armadillo had gone for total extravagence without informing his co-conspirators. Consequently the run had at least 2 loops and even the indulgence of a check!
This had the pack spread from arseholes to breakfast, but even the slowest was back before the bus. This would have been a source of major concern but trauma was alleviated by tucking into the mountain of steak sandwiches and chicken laid on by PussyPuppy's missus. Phuck knows where the bus had gone - must of taken all our booze and sleazed off to the Quarry Inn to check out the racing tapeworms and deflated barrage balloons at that place - they took long enuf.
Pack did their best to wipe out the tucker before the return of the chariot - but to no avail. There was more than enough for everyone and Dogfish stuffed enough into a bag for Phoebe the Labrador to give it a heart attack. Didn't notice if Biggles took any for his pet lamb.
Down downs commenced and there were a shit-load of these given for almost any reason at all. Some science had been desultorily applied - basing the lies on the sacred book.
A few recalled:
Most runs in the year - Porkbox = 47. Also Hash pornographer at large and submitter of most original Hash Trash. ("Thinking outside your Pants" by Helmut Freud, no relation).
Highheels and Sproggy had done 46 (suggestion of an enquiry into Highheels claim was ignored) and Captain Cook 45. Biggles did at least 43 - and possibly more. He never put a number in the book. Other to hit 40+ were K9, Townplanner, Tripod, Hood, Modess Joe, Pisspot Kev, PussyPuppy, Sourpuss, 'Arold, TC, Goodyear, Mildew, Bubbles, Duck, Numbnuts - faithful hounds all!
Goodyear had set 4 runs and amazingly only 3 were from the Cambridge. The other was the Robbie Burns night run. Oggy and Sproggy set 3 each. Flipper co-hared a run! There were only 8 pub runs in the whole year, one of which was the Capital 1066th. So we had plenty of hash kash to piss up against a wall - so how come the stingy committee provided only 2 kegs, a few extras and no strippers? Tight kunts!
We had a shit list of hashers who never set a run for WH3 - led by Captain Cook. Also Teapot, Flies, Puha and Viskis. The latter two hadn't been running long - so Puha was stitched up for being an aggressive Swede as well. They invaded Poland in 1700 and we all know what comes of that sort of behaviour! (ended with treaty with Polish King Augustus at Altranstadt in 1706 - I had to look that one up!). But they got their Swedish arses kicked by the Russians 3 years later.
And some other awards:
New Boot - for turning up on the AGPU expecting a shit-load of piss and no run. Pot-Boy. (It is just another hash!)
Best run - the General - the Paekakariki Arseholes to Breakfast run with a Pig on a stick built by PussyPuppy.
Most boring run - Numbnuts. Partially made up for by excellent sea-food. Another kuntish run atoned for in part by quality of the grub - Bubbles recent effort from Waterside House - the blundering in Brooklyn run. And mention was made of Joe's seafood special - tho' Joe was being pedantic about Trout not being sea-food. They live in trees as any fule kno.
Most desecration of the sacred rolls - TC obviously - has rewritten nearly every signature of Numbnuts and bequeathed to posterity the immortal line "Beat you again cunty Numbnuts!".
Fastest awarding of the PoW: PussyPuppy - to Sproggy in less than 3 seconds. And his sterling success in warding off starvation for the hash was acknowledged.
The hash haberdash that never was rated a mention. And TeaPot was reappointed to the post until such time as the said gear is produced. We are eternally grateful for the socks tho! Was that this year?
Pisspot was appointed once again Hash Kash. It looks like only open mutiny or a massive embezzlement is going to free PissPot Kev of this post. Never depose a good Hash Kash! But to relieve some of the burden, we now have Beirmeister Hood!
Not sure how he will fit 2 kegs in the Merc. Should be interesting.
The plan for a foray to Pauatahanui for erections in a swamp was shelved and we headed off for the final mystery destination - everyone guessed it - Waterside house - the informal Hash HQ of 2001/02.
Punishment and persecution continued: As this was just another hash, Gonad presented the PoW to TC - the scribe has no idea what this was for, but no doubt it was fully deserved. The Bubbles award took for phucken ever to present, but I think it went to Tripod for some reason which escapes your scribe who failed to keep up with K9's full discourse.
The Prick of the Year - to DT for misplacing to original wooden fucker from InterHash. His actual guilt or innocence is entirely immaterial.
The outgoing committee was starting to get a little anxious that this would be the first AGPU where the hash had run out of piss, especially when the 2nd keg was kicked over by TC and Sproggy's decanter was all that was left to sustain life. But...with the final down-down drunk and just enough time to get the truck back to platform 9 before it turned into a pumpkin, we may have got away with it. Don't know what the General had to keep him from dehydrating on the mission back oop North - but too fucken bad!
The real dirt was dished up at Waterside House. As far as I recall, we have in addition to the illustrious postholders already mentioned:
On-sec: Puha - who is threatening to go all high tech on us. How will broken-Arse cope?
Hare-raiser: Who the hell is the hare-raiser? Is this still Oggy?
Hash Horn: Numbnuts.
Head Monk: Dogfish (another technophile I fear)
The Evil Brotherhood of Religion: (or Religious Advisors); HighHeels and Evil - who are possibly the same person.
Ayatollah: And shock, horror - on the entirely spurious grounds that the Ayatollah has to be seen to go to Goa - 'Arold!
Your new Ayatollah has been contemplating a change in direction - say a great leap backwards. But it is hard to see haw far backwards we can go. Or an amendment to the "no bitches" policy. Such as, women are welcome if they wear a full burqua. Or perhaps just the appropriate headgear and naked from the neck down (obviously there would have to be a "no fat tarts" clause for the latter option).
And that pointy helmet will have to be retired for a year - it doesn't fit. I am thinking a fez might be the way to go!
On-Fucken-On for 2002-03.
'Arold
p.s.
Bastards who think they got away with missing the AGPU: You'll keep (if we remember!)
Knob Roy: Kuntiest run of the Year - from Sfuzzi's in Paramata.
Oggy: Most cruelty to dumb animals
Boon: New hash compulsive gambler in absence of the Skunk
Flipper: set half a run!
Cumpiss: staying away - thank fuck!
Osama Bin Goldfish: Most vociferous objection to a name change. OK it is "Black Goldfish" really!
