Hash Commandments

Contributed by 'Arold.

This lot is from around 1982. There are no rules, but just a few commandments. They seem to stand the test of time - don't know if you can buy a half-gallon anymore tho'.

1. Honour thy Ayatollah and thy Caliph that thy days may be long upon the land that is known as Godzone, and thy hours be well spent upon the Trails of Righteousness and the gatherings thereafter.
2. Honour the beliefs of the Founding Fathers and hold well their tenets, albeit that others may chastise thee with accusations of abiding in the wrong decade and being as uncleansed chauvinist swine.
3. Remember thou shalt keep Monday as Hash Day as thy Ayatollah hath commanded thee. Six days shalt thou labour or bludgour, as is thy wont, and on the seventh thou shalt Hash.
4. Thou shalt hold no other graven image before The Prick, for it is sacred and held in much reverence. Thou shalt not award it for other than Hash sins, such as the land of birth for some of thy less blessed brethren, nor successes in infidel sports, unless they be under-the-arm. Know thee that The Prick shall be awarded for serious defilements so that the receiver is fulsome aware that he hath invoked much scorn.
5. The breaking of a Commandment is a serious defilement. The Hashman awarded The Prick may argue, protest, wriggle and squirm to the best of his ability, but then must accept the judgement of his peers with good grace.
6. He that receiveth The Prick shall most solemnly take draught from it for the passing of time as decreed by the Ayatollah, and prior to taking salaams, shalt return The Prick to The Custodian. The Custodian shall, in the passing of time, convey The Prick to the place of congregation so that It may watch over all who Hash.
7. Thou shalt not covet thy fellow Hasher' s trail, nor his Coming-of-Maturity tapu for faithful service in the True Spirit of Hash, nor his liquid of sustenance, nor his ass for we be not that way inclined, for all that we are solely of male issue - nor anything that is his.
8. Thou shalt not shortcut the Trail unless thou be in sight of the chariots or of flour, or be lost and forsaken in the wilderness; neither shalt thou shortchange or slowchange HashKash, and if thou findest fault with the Skribe, thou shalt surely take his place.
9. Remember that whereas thou hast endeavoured to the best of thy ability - albeit that thy efforts be as dross before the Wahini wind - to follow the Trail of Righteousness, thou shalt be honoured by the making of thy Mark in the Rolls and no man may set it asunder. But thou shalt not desecrate the Ancient Records by by falsely appending thy moniker without attempting the Trail as that wouldst be be a sin against The Scriptures.
10. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy fellow Hashers, nor cry "Checking" when thou art 'looking' or hast found flour; for many of thy brethren knowest not the path and are verily as like lost children.
11. When in the course of thy daily travail, thy dost espy a lone jogger, thou shalt gently call to him "On On!" so that he knowest that thou art one of the Faithful, and in the course of time it may come to pass that he be drawn unto the True Way.
12. Thou shalt not accept any conveyance on any chariot - not even with the beguilements of foolish virgins, but shalt cover the ground by thy own exertions, for that beest the law.
13. Thou shalt not throw into the wilderness the receptacles of that which sustaineth thee, for if thou be guilty, thou must go on thy knees and pay homage so that thy sin be washed from thee.
14. If thou as Hare be caught by thy fellows, thou shalt be lead in bondage to kneel before The Prick; thou shalt be stripped of thy outer garments and shall be exceedingly drenched in the fluid of sustenance until thy fault be cleansed from thee, then verily, shalt thy atone for thy sin by purchasing for the comfort and reassurance of thy fellows one half gallon of the fluid of sustenance that thou mayest be received into their communion once more.
15. If thou beest the Hare and if the Trail start in the wilderness unknown to thy brethren thou shalt take the sign of the Hash, that all may meet with one accord.
16. Thou shalt cast the flour freely upon the ground that they who follow thee may not be led astray but that thy path through the wilderness be clear to the eye of the beholder. Thou shalt place the sacred Dribbledropper carefully so that the sign be not pointing so as to misguide thy brethren; for they will become much confounded and there will be much gnashing of teeth and rending of rainments; thyne rainments.
17. Thou shalt check neither near to hostelries, nor dens of ill-repute unless the Faithful are to dally therein, nor within sight of the chariots, for any of these will incur great wrath from thy fellow Hashers.
18. Thou shalt not cast flour more than 100 metres from a check, although it matters nought that it may take thy followers three score minutes and ten to reach the new Trail, nor shall False Trails be greater than fifty metres; for fear that the multitude shall acclaim as with one voice "Wattawanka" most lustily upon the hour of reckoning. A False Trail may finish with a sign or with nothing, anticipating that the weak of mind will travel with abandon, if not alacrity, for a further distance. However thou shalt not mark the end of a False Trail with derisive comments, for mental paraplegics although quietly humble of their shortcomings doth vent their spleen if so proclaimed.
19. Thou shalt lay the flour in the wilderness and not in the cuItivated lands flowing with milk and honey and bearing the fruits of the soil and of the labour of men - especially The Gardens of the Brooklyn Black Power - for verily their wrath shall know no bounds and their vengeance will descend upon the innocent as upon the guilty.
20. Thou shalt avoid Trails of old flour, for that sowest confusion. Neither shalt thou lose thy way, for those followers who wander in the valley of darkness shalt hunger and thirst exceedingly and no man shall be safe from their wrath.
21. Thou shalt read, mark, learn, inwardly digest, and well-keep these Scriptures to your heart, so that thou shalt walk tall and beest acknowledged by all as a Faithful Hound